Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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