i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
