Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
