I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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