I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
