Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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