i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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