garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Randomize
