i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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