facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
