Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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