I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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