I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
