we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
