Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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