And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
