Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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