Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
