U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
