awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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