doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize