things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
