Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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