Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
