3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
