I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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