There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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