I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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