When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
