the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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