the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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