3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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