At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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