The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
