please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
