i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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