If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
