I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
