Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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