Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
