i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
