The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
