I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We left an ass print on the piano.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
