dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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