no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You ruined the universe
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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