How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
