Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize