there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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