areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize