i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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