i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
