I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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