Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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