rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
