i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
