so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
