walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
