My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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