I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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