im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So squirting runs in the family.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
