No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
