youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
