dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
