i wish peter jackson would direct porn
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
