hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
