omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize