i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
