dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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