my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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