i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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