I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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