How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
