its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
