so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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