Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
