I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
