i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
