other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
