No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
