I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
