Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
