The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
