i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
