Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
