No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
