she looked like the before picture.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
