i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
