I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
