quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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