I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
