question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
