so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize