He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
