if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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