Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
