thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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