oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was like eating out sand paper
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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