Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
