my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
