guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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