You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
