I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
