Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
