I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
