I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
