There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
