if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
