Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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